•7/28/2008 03:05:00 AM
What should i do?
Am i destined to be a doctor?
I get so upset and frustrated after had a conversation over the phone with my beloved father this afternoon, which i did not expect, because i do not call him that often, i mean, totally none in these few years....I usually make calls to my sister, and mom most of the time, but sometimes if my brother picked up the phone, he was like stabbing my back in the middle of the conversation, and didn't ask if i would like to chat with my dad and passed it directly to him, and it pretty much annoyed me the way he did, and i have to admit that if my dad was the first one to pick up the call, i'll hanged up without hesitate...... why? you do not have to know why......
let me finished all my stories first
I'll get annoyed, and frustrated and can't stop myself thinking how much he wants me to be a doctor every time i heard his voice.......And yes, i do not understand why..... there is an awful hatred feelings inside me, that how hateful i wanted to tell the world that i am not going to be a doctor....and in contrast i am doing what i don't like....i do not know how to explain further more, because i am pissing off while thinking how am i going to express in words, right now, right here to you fellow folks that how andrenaline rushing my body while listened to his great plan of sending me to Melbourne after i graduated from Ukraine next year, and expected me to go for the Australian medical entry exam, work, and live there........
That sounds pretty good huh? Yeah, that's the dream of most of the kids, i mean, for some of my friends that unable to go further their studies anymore after this in Ukraine......
So what am i supposed to react to this? should i follow the path that already paved in front of me? or should i just follow my heart and feelings?
I will tell you how am i feeling right now....it's 3.20am right now, doing nothing, but thinking how miserable my life would be if i am going to Australia.....The reasons that i DO NOT WANT to go to australia........
Are apparently that i have to go through another series of exams, entry exams to get practice in australia, which my father never had any ideas how tough it is to get a simply pass for an Ukrainian graduates....that is the thing.....he thinks that i am superman now because i am going to finish my whole 7 year medical course by next year, and thinking that i will be able to get working visa over there, which is not going to happen, and ridiculous......
Mind you, that i did not even get a single A for my SPM results and i failed all my A Levels, and passed my General English paper in grade D which means, in my SPM certificate, you can't find any As, but only C6, 7 and 8 for most of the subjects, even simple Math......So, what do you think? will you go for a doctor that nearly failed all his SPM? yeah...that is me......
And how the hell i get over here in Ukraine? yeah....pretty much corruptions....... My beloved father sooooooo wanted me to be a doctor, and i was asked to repeat my A Levels, and go for India initially, and like what i just told, i've failed all my subjects in A Levels, and i already knew how tough that was, so i did not want to go for second time...and Ukraine was the one that i found from my friend, Ukraine was the only choice for me, and without second thoughts, my beloved father asked me if the university recognized or not in Malaysia, and i said yes......and that's the only thing that he concerned and gave me a RM10k cheque to the Ukraine university agent in Malaysia, which is for getting a seat to study over here and etc......
Since my results was so poor, and only eligible to get a work at mcdonalds, how i managed to cope all the studies over here?
pretty much last minute preparations, plus, it's easy to get a pass here although i do not know a thing.....students can even pay to get a pass.........so, would you go for a doctor that pay for passing exams? that's the situations here..................i have to admit that i did pay for once, when i was in 3rd year........3rd year was the toughest year.....and that's why one of indian student killed himself last month because could not stand the pressure.......i do not want to bring up his death to cover up my shame or giving myself an excuse to feel better because somebody really proved that 3rd year was the toughest....anyhow,i admit that i was lazy, and stupid, and could not cope the studies at all during the whole 3rd year..... yeap, that's me.......
I am in my 5th year right now......and i know nothing!!! 5th Students in Malaysia already knew how to deliver the baby, and how to give injections etc...while i am sitting here, online most of the time, spending my time sleeping and complaining......There is no chance to get practice over here.....language barrier........I am in my practical month right now.....and do you know what i do in my practical session? I go there, sit in the doctor's room, and sit and sit and sit.....that is.....and copy case reports in Russians which i totally have no idea why do i need to take a 45 mins bus everyday to the hospital and sit there copy case report.....and have no chance to get practice at all...... my knowledge is totally zero.....that's all i can say.......and how are you going to expect me to pass that australian entry exam? and that's humiliating!!!!
Why do i never try to make it work? yes i did.........but, stupid is stupid....i am not a clever student....comparing to my fellow classmates.....they always passed in the first exam, but i had to pass it in second attempt......no matter how i hard i studied............and even bribed the teacher when i was 3rd year to get pass..... the situations in Ukraine totally sucks...... Do you really think that i am very busy studying everyday at class? teachers do not care at all.......they let us sit in the class for hours without teaching us anything.......some teacher do teach, but all informations are old and odd which do not reached the modern medical levels at all.....or some weird teacher which do not speak english at all, and explaning everything in Russians and expecting us to understand them 100%.....hey! this is medicine....not music class....it's about human lives!!! do you really trusted Russian university graduates? please think twice..... Everyday i go to class....just sit there, and take attendance, sit there for hours, listen to my iPod and play my PDA games, so wanting to go home and sleep...... that's basically my routine over here...... what do you expect then? and i always joke to my friends 坐着就可以当医生，坐7年就可以当医生。。。。。
Are these reasons enough to support how much i do not want to go to Australia? i don't even have the minimum requirement!!!!! my life totally fucked up!!! and why i did not say it earlier? because i did, and nobody cares and believed what i said! and there was once that Malaysia newspaper reported the situations here, and it's all true.....and my beloved dad still thinking that i already become a genius in sudden and managed to cope all the studies, but in fact, i am even worst than before when i was form 5!!!!
I really hope that people would understand, but i do not need any sympathies votes from you whether i should or should not continue to persue my career as a doctor, i will just go for what i feel is the best for myself, there is only one year remaining....i should try my best, but if i am not what i am expected to be, i really hope there is understanding beneath all the reasons i have given..... I have plans in my mind indeed for my future....which i will tell soon in my blog....
Am i destined to be a doctor?
I get so upset and frustrated after had a conversation over the phone with my beloved father this afternoon, which i did not expect, because i do not call him that often, i mean, totally none in these few years....I usually make calls to my sister, and mom most of the time, but sometimes if my brother picked up the phone, he was like stabbing my back in the middle of the conversation, and didn't ask if i would like to chat with my dad and passed it directly to him, and it pretty much annoyed me the way he did, and i have to admit that if my dad was the first one to pick up the call, i'll hanged up without hesitate...... why? you do not have to know why......
let me finished all my stories first
I'll get annoyed, and frustrated and can't stop myself thinking how much he wants me to be a doctor every time i heard his voice.......And yes, i do not understand why..... there is an awful hatred feelings inside me, that how hateful i wanted to tell the world that i am not going to be a doctor....and in contrast i am doing what i don't like....i do not know how to explain further more, because i am pissing off while thinking how am i going to express in words, right now, right here to you fellow folks that how andrenaline rushing my body while listened to his great plan of sending me to Melbourne after i graduated from Ukraine next year, and expected me to go for the Australian medical entry exam, work, and live there........
That sounds pretty good huh? Yeah, that's the dream of most of the kids, i mean, for some of my friends that unable to go further their studies anymore after this in Ukraine......
So what am i supposed to react to this? should i follow the path that already paved in front of me? or should i just follow my heart and feelings?
I will tell you how am i feeling right now....it's 3.20am right now, doing nothing, but thinking how miserable my life would be if i am going to Australia.....The reasons that i DO NOT WANT to go to australia........
Are apparently that i have to go through another series of exams, entry exams to get practice in australia, which my father never had any ideas how tough it is to get a simply pass for an Ukrainian graduates....that is the thing.....he thinks that i am superman now because i am going to finish my whole 7 year medical course by next year, and thinking that i will be able to get working visa over there, which is not going to happen, and ridiculous......
Mind you, that i did not even get a single A for my SPM results and i failed all my A Levels, and passed my General English paper in grade D which means, in my SPM certificate, you can't find any As, but only C6, 7 and 8 for most of the subjects, even simple Math......So, what do you think? will you go for a doctor that nearly failed all his SPM? yeah...that is me......
And how the hell i get over here in Ukraine? yeah....pretty much corruptions....... My beloved father sooooooo wanted me to be a doctor, and i was asked to repeat my A Levels, and go for India initially, and like what i just told, i've failed all my subjects in A Levels, and i already knew how tough that was, so i did not want to go for second time...and Ukraine was the one that i found from my friend, Ukraine was the only choice for me, and without second thoughts, my beloved father asked me if the university recognized or not in Malaysia, and i said yes......and that's the only thing that he concerned and gave me a RM10k cheque to the Ukraine university agent in Malaysia, which is for getting a seat to study over here and etc......
Since my results was so poor, and only eligible to get a work at mcdonalds, how i managed to cope all the studies over here?
pretty much last minute preparations, plus, it's easy to get a pass here although i do not know a thing.....students can even pay to get a pass.........so, would you go for a doctor that pay for passing exams? that's the situations here..................i have to admit that i did pay for once, when i was in 3rd year........3rd year was the toughest year.....and that's why one of indian student killed himself last month because could not stand the pressure.......i do not want to bring up his death to cover up my shame or giving myself an excuse to feel better because somebody really proved that 3rd year was the toughest....anyhow,i admit that i was lazy, and stupid, and could not cope the studies at all during the whole 3rd year..... yeap, that's me.......
I am in my 5th year right now......and i know nothing!!! 5th Students in Malaysia already knew how to deliver the baby, and how to give injections etc...while i am sitting here, online most of the time, spending my time sleeping and complaining......There is no chance to get practice over here.....language barrier........I am in my practical month right now.....and do you know what i do in my practical session? I go there, sit in the doctor's room, and sit and sit and sit.....that is.....and copy case reports in Russians which i totally have no idea why do i need to take a 45 mins bus everyday to the hospital and sit there copy case report.....and have no chance to get practice at all...... my knowledge is totally zero.....that's all i can say.......and how are you going to expect me to pass that australian entry exam? and that's humiliating!!!!
Why do i never try to make it work? yes i did.........but, stupid is stupid....i am not a clever student....comparing to my fellow classmates.....they always passed in the first exam, but i had to pass it in second attempt......no matter how i hard i studied............and even bribed the teacher when i was 3rd year to get pass..... the situations in Ukraine totally sucks...... Do you really think that i am very busy studying everyday at class? teachers do not care at all.......they let us sit in the class for hours without teaching us anything.......some teacher do teach, but all informations are old and odd which do not reached the modern medical levels at all.....or some weird teacher which do not speak english at all, and explaning everything in Russians and expecting us to understand them 100%.....hey! this is medicine....not music class....it's about human lives!!! do you really trusted Russian university graduates? please think twice..... Everyday i go to class....just sit there, and take attendance, sit there for hours, listen to my iPod and play my PDA games, so wanting to go home and sleep...... that's basically my routine over here...... what do you expect then? and i always joke to my friends 坐着就可以当医生，坐7年就可以当医生。。。。。
Are these reasons enough to support how much i do not want to go to Australia? i don't even have the minimum requirement!!!!! my life totally fucked up!!! and why i did not say it earlier? because i did, and nobody cares and believed what i said! and there was once that Malaysia newspaper reported the situations here, and it's all true.....and my beloved dad still thinking that i already become a genius in sudden and managed to cope all the studies, but in fact, i am even worst than before when i was form 5!!!!
I really hope that people would understand, but i do not need any sympathies votes from you whether i should or should not continue to persue my career as a doctor, i will just go for what i feel is the best for myself, there is only one year remaining....i should try my best, but if i am not what i am expected to be, i really hope there is understanding beneath all the reasons i have given..... I have plans in my mind indeed for my future....which i will tell soon in my blog....
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